burned out stars they shine so bright.

Doesn't he realise that I'm just being cautious, and after everything he's done and been; can he really blame me for being this way? I just want to make sure I'm okay first, and that I am in the right place for a relationship. The big thing is whether he has changed or not. I'm not signing up for the constant fights, lies and drama. I just want a nice, normal and loving; maybe nurturing relationship. And god knows why he loves me. But maybe that's just it. Maybe this is a Chuck and Blair situation where the chase and the game is all it is. Maybe he just wants to sleep with me and be done with me. Or maybe, when he's got me he won't want me anymore. Only he knows. Do I really want to be with someone so addicted to videogames? Who I may not be able to trust around other women, even if it's in a fake world.. or even going back to his old flames. He's the one who dropped the L-bomb. I was fine being friends, and loving as friends. He must've known that i'd have my own things to deal with first, right? Now that I know he wants to be with me, if it doesn't happen for whatever reason, i'll feel like i've missed out on something great. Because it's true, his love does a million and one positive things to me. But see, that's the other negative thing. I never want to lose him from my life, he's a good stable person and I always would want him as a friend..

Anyway, not exactly looking forward to spending time in london this following week. There'll be the awkwardness with the work experience chats and the loveless marriage. Plus I may have to do things and go places that make me uncomfortable because of Dean's religion. And oh yeah, Jayden better not be too badass and time taking. I want a bit of fun but without the hassle. I hope we don't all go out for a meal in the evening, ever. Maybe lunch, but that's about it. Well, good luck to me. A whole week.