Lifehouse, lighthouse. Pretty b l u e.

Oh how I miss thee, Canada.

Summer is the best season.

Things are looking better. But like in the picture, there's something eerie maybe hanging on the air. I stayed home for another day, luckily. But I'm going back tonight and then things will be different. I'm going to really try, need to sort out accomodation and help and things. I have two weeks now and things could just turn around for me. Though I think I need to be brave and serious but pretend i'm having fun haha.

Just be careful, he may be leading you on and then end up crushing your hopes again.

You bleed before you die.

This is officially my only public blog from now on.
I'm POOF'd everywhere else.
Those sicko's can have their own insane psychoses and leave me to my own, private life. I want to be me again, I like this little break away from the norm. I don't want to leave, but then, I have no choice from tomorrow. I wonder what the new life will be like....

Guess there's one road now,
one path left.

Don't screw this one up.

Nevermind The Buttocks.

(:

Bliss.

Aftermaths and Sorrowness. "But I'm free!" she exclaimed.

He's wishing he has me now. He keeps pulling me back into his life, then letting me go again. I was being nice, he was being okay. Then he has to screw it up again. I said I'd continue being in his life as a friend, and as a friend he should know what lines not to cross. So anyways, he gets home from work and he asks if there's anything he can do to help me sleep. He obviously isn't going to talk to me about his little crisis, and so I tell him he can go on cam for me seeing as he is a friend. But no, the response is "only when you're my gf." So I start to get pissed off, he cannot be selfless, but someone else and their needs/feelings before his for once. He then continues to be demeaning and asks what's the problem. I tell him there is no problem, so he says "oh, so there's no problem, that's why you're still not asleep." And then the verbal vomit came out from both sides. He kept calling me a c**t and a bi**h. So I said goodbye, he said his problems were solved and that there was no reason for me to be in his life anymore. I said i'd be glad to leave, that I don't want this kind of shit in my life.
So then, get this. He starts saying "Don't go, don't leave. I was going to tell you about my issues this weekend and ask you to help. I need you in my life.." and all this complete contradiction. I said no and goodbye forever. Better off without that idiot in my life, I am going to keep him out. The bars are there, always there. He's never truly getting back in. I'm over all of that. I'm good, and far better than him. It will all be good. His loss.

My Girl.

Just as I was falling out of love with him and thinking of breaking up with him after giving him many chances to improve with all of those failing. He comes home Saturday (really late, because he was avoiding and probably playing videogames or whatever) and just because I kept signing into his Yahoo, he broke up with me. Lol, I think it's hilarious. So I blurted everything mean I've ever wanted to say to him, and he finally admitted that he was the one with the problem and that he's going through some sort of a crisis. Yet, it's funny because he wants to have me back once he's sorted out his issues or whatever and he's already added Bethany back on his myspazz. Meaning, he was probably always talking to her, even though he'll further deny it even now. I guess he is still hung up on finding out about his ex all of the time. He says he doesn't know who he is anymore, that he doesn't know what he wants. It's funny considering he's been the complete dickhead he normally is to me, even when trying to keep me on side. Plus, I think he was lying when he said that he wanted to get away and see his family at the weekend because he thought it would help him. I think that because he was probably just having a weekend free of me, that he was playing videogames and doing childish things with his friends, playing with his boy toys, seeing the new Star Nerd movie and all.

Well anyway, i'm holding up well. I've been telling him where to stick his apologies and everything. We've been through this too many times now, it's definitely time to move on for sure. He is some dead-ender, I am a lot better than that and I have a lot more to come in my life. It's been good, a kind of strong, kick-ass Buffy-esque time. (:

I just wish I could sleep properly. Maybe it's stress and worry over the 3 hour stats exam on Tuesday. Why?! I mean, why have a three hour exam in the evening. That's the worst time for the brain! Gosh. They call themselves scientists. xP

Eurovision = Tunnel vision. I'd rather watch Britain's Got Talent!

Well, ello.
Today, a sudden monsoon happened. And then the sun came out for a little while. I wish the weather would make its mind up and stay nice and warm, bearable. Maybe mix in a few light showers, so I can go walking in the rain too sometimes.

I cleaned the rest of the kitchen, I chucked some things in the wash and basically didn't do a lot else. Last night I was watching this movie called Saved! with Jena Malone in it. Thumbsup! Haha. It beats worrying my mind to death all night/early morning. I've been listening to a lot of music today, some bands and solo artists I left behind somewhere. It was nice catching up with them lol.

The Eurovision Song Contest came about again this evening. Norway won, but we were actually in the top 5 this year. No more nil points! I liked Lordi when they won. They weren't bad at all actually. I only watched a little bit of it for curiosity's sake. I was more engrossed in BGT and CSI:NY. Watched some VM earlier. Yeah, that's pretty much stuff.

So he said he'd be back by now. He isn't back (or he's hiding from me.) Well, at least I don't have to deal with him right now, yeah? Some of the things...
I don't know if this is going to work out anymore. Gah.

I'm tres tired, and I had a cappucino which probably wasn't a good idea at all. Caffeine makes me feel worse, and I already feel worse. Maybe it's going to be another fantastic(!) night. Ahhh. I'd rather be on one of those sun loungers in Cuba, under the stars so bright. A whole, wonderous sky of them. That would be amazing, sipping my lemon juice and smiling, listening to the air and the buzz back inside of the evening entertainment. I miss Cuba. I miss getting away, being away. I also miss banana flambes (pictured above.) Oh, that syrup full of rum. That sweet sweet taste, the wholesome ice cream to go with. Ahhh, scrumptious. Here, they are not unheard of, but they are rare. I didn't have a decent dessert today, maybe that's why I have a huge longing. lol

:EDIT:
I just found out that I can't have symbols on this blog. GREAT(!)

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

Lolz.

Oh yeah, maybe I'm falling out of love?

Only one text today. None "on the journey." Pfft. I had to clean the flat today. Still half undone because CERTAIN PEOPLE are still using the kitchen.

Ahh.
Crap life.
Crap love.

You're supposed to care, but you never make me scream. You never make me scream.

That picture reminds me of the car on the (frozen) lake in American Gods. I want to read that again some time soon. I really want to grab a car, if only I knew how to drive, and in the US at that. I'd drive all over, visit my friends from there, just enjoy that quirky towns, the scenery and culture. Plus, I'd get fat i'm sure. All the DQ's and Taco Bells on the road. I'd take many pictures, I'd be able to breathe and smile and lots of lovely things. I also want to visit mainland Greece too. I think I may be going to some place like the Maldives this summer (before they sink, apparently.) And Australia in September, hopefully.

Well, the boyfriend's off visiting his family in SC this weekend. He promised he'd text lots and that he'd message on myspace. Only one message and one text throughout the whole of the day. The text read, "My cousin's taking me to the beach, wish you could be here and come with me." All the while i'm actually feeling worse, and I don't know about the sleeping thing anymore. He's not very selfless, he knows something's up and yet he'd rather have fun than think about me and what I must be going through. Take, take, take.

Anywaysss, it is my cleaning week and I should really hoover and stuffs. Someone left a nice big stain on the hob AND in the microwave for me to clean. Ugh. I should get some frozen pizza, some ready food and a fizzy drink. The bread can wait till next week. Should really eat more frozen food, pasta and use up the tins. Plus try poptarts and eat more popcorn!

I don't know, I don't write much cool stuff again. I should try and attempt another story soon. It would be cool.

So I'm gonna stop now.
And do something else.
Maybe write a message to someone and then head to bed.

Kai.
Nite.