everywhere you go is the same. same shops, same mundane jeremy kyle class of people going about their everday life ignorant to the world around them

richard and i texted each other all night, just actually talked about things for the most part. it was good.

lately though, i'm just so unhappy about being here it's seriously bringing me down. i need to get away but it doesn't seem likely.

If This Is The Life, Why Does It Feel So Good To Die Today?

I miss parts of my old self. Wells, it may be the hormones but I generally feel weird today. With some reluctance, I went to Connex's and thrust into the next step. I'm nowhere near ready but I had no choice. Apparently i'm entitled to £54 or something a week, so yeah. I just feel like being quiet today, having quiet with only incredible music on in the background. I wish I could go out in the middle of the night to a lake and go and wade at the edge. Or even a sea. I just long to be happy and away from here. I seriously don't want to feel miserable or trapped anymore. All I feel I have right at this moment is music. Music is everything to me. I know my boy's just a phone call away, but I'm showing him I'm good on the whole. This is just a temporary tiredness, most likely the hormones. Right?

I hope.

secret : I wanna have uncontrollably wild sex with you.

Love Paramore's New Album - Brand New Eyes!

Think of me when you're out, when you're out there
I'll beg you nice from my knees
When the world treats you way too fairly
It's a shame i'm a dream

All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you

I think I'll pace my apartment a few times
And fall asleep on the couch
And wake up early to black and white re-runs
That escaped from the mouth

Oh-Oh

All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you

I could follow you to the beginning
And just re-live the start
And maybe then we'll remember to slow down
To all of our favorite parts

All I wanted was you

All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you

Let's Make It Last Forever.

I wanted to get a new template but it's not working out for me. Meh.
I feel so tired, and after a full day of rain and cloudyness, the sun has finally appeared (:
Just wanted the boxes closer together in the middle, so i could place a background that I like. But anyways...

So i'm nervous, but something's gonna happen. I just have to be honest about the overwhelming feeling though. And oh, I was looking for jobs in Australia (NSW to be exact) and I don't even know why. Guess I can only keep dreaming about that. I got everything else sorted, just about to look over the letter once more and then it's all done.

I am so glad I have my boyfriend back, it just makes me feel better about everything. I just wish he wasn't being worked so hard. He's tired and sore, but he's a hero. I mean really, saving the state from floods. I love him so much.

5:55

I'm so tired but here goes:
I have been pressured, yelled at and all sorts this past week. Finally everything's come together and you're stepping back and treating this as a normal situation. THANK YOU, for finally realising that. I have written a letter to my mother which I am still working on, but it should be done and sent as an attachment tomorrow when I'm not so tired. I hope she doesn't show my dad or even my aunts, ugh. Anyways, I feel other things are coming together though, such as I am no longer single anymore (:
I just think it's amazing how much strength love can give. It's giving me something to look forward to, to carry on for. I still miss Australia but I feel more alive with love. Things are busy as always, got some troubles with my parents. Hopefully it will all be okay.

NEED TO DO TOMORROW:
find out procedure for UCAS
Look up courses/email
oh yeah, and
eat
sleep
die x_x

G'day mate!

I don't know what I'm going to do with my life now. I had the most amazing time travelling around parts of Australia (mainly the East coast) and I've come back not sure what to do now. Is it the end for me? I have such a longing to live though, that I'm sure it can't be. It's just that I don't want to go back to uni and I haven't told my parents yet. I don't know what I want to do. But i'm so unhappy, and I know I need to get out of this place, away from these people and this way of life. It's not doing me any good and i'm too tired to keep fighting all the battles through it. I just want to be happy, feel like I'm free and then I'll be able to figure it all out with a clear head. I hope for love too, because i'm tired of looking and hurting because of it. I want to tell all about my three weeks on the other side of the world, and I will in another post soon, before I forget.

In the meantime, i've seen tons of movies. Wish I could find a good version of The Time Traveler's Wife and Sorority Row online. The ending episodes of True Blood were good, and new Gossip Girl is exciting. Never a dull moment for Chuck and Blair :D
I have a new true bonding with country music, Rihanna saved my life with her songs Please Don't Stop The Music, We Ride and Shut Up And Drive on the plane. I listened to a bit of Britney and Lily as well as my normal mp3 music. Didn't hear a lot of The Veronicas there sadly. Currently The Letter To Japan by The Bird and The Bee is one of the reoccuring songs on my playlist. My room is still a mess, need to sort things out and find a plan on how to tell my parents. It's scary, as is my love life... but none of that for now.

Had An Amazing Time Down Under.