Still need to get a Christmas Tree and decorate it!

• Sign up for a short course.
• UCAS application
• Decide which course to do
• Write to mum.

Stuff still left to do in this busy period.

Just an update

to say that things are better than ever, weight's been lifted and i've been given a special insight into some stuff. so i'm starting over in london, and it's pretty good (:

cannot wait for bunkbeds + mattresses
christmas
spending time with S
leaving him behind :D

for now...

xx

The seasons change, the cold comes in.

I miss my rabbits. I love nature and am so in touch with it. I love walks but lately the cold is getting to me. I don't like winter so much, it doesn't like me much either. But hopefully I'll get through this one more or less unscathed. The clocks change, and we gain an hour this weekend. Ahh, stupid winter.

Prose

she wanted to be in one of those books, like in childhood where she read about dragons & princesses, and monsters. she took a long walk, but it was cold & she felt cold from the inside too. more or less all of the leaves had turned brown and crisp, & had fallen off the trees. she let her feet take her, though something was different about this walk than normal. everything felt and looked dead, she could not breathe and didn't feel like she had the space or room to either. normally fresh air did her good, but this time it made her choke up & want to cry. but nothing came out. she felt as dead on the inside as she had felt about everything on the outside.

the walk took her to a dark place, nothing like those childhood stories. a place of many trees and overgrowth. she had visited this place during her childhood, but it was a sad place as she had often come here when she felt like she needed to run away. she hadn't had the courage to walk inside that place for many years, up until now. she took a couple of steps and wondered what on earth she was doing back here, but nevertheless her feet carried her forward and she took small steps up through the overgrowth, on the pathway. she covered her nose and mouth as the flies started to circulate around. she didn't want to go down towards the stream, so she went back and walked on the pathway in the opposite direction. the path was turning into mud, so she sidestepped onto the grass for a while. she was above a lot of the trees and the undergrowth. the path was getting narrower and narrower, so she was carefully stepping as to not fall.

she wasn't really thinking or feeling anything & as soon as she saw more steps, she turned and went back to her house.

some hours later, in a conversation with her boyfriend, she started to feel detached and lost. she started to try & cry, but could scarcely manage a couple of tears. later on she felt so alone, although the normally annoying occurences of the day were not happening as usual. it was good to have a break from the stress & all, but she was scared of becoming alone once more. although she had always been alone in it all, she was quite terrified at the thought of being alone again, of losing hope and faith. she had just started to open up, had just begun to trust a little more, and now she was scared of losing it all & getting hurt, particularly at this point in her life.

she had started to cry. love is one thing in its purest form that can get you welled up. especially if it is true love. still, she had to control herself as she had no real space to cry. she sat and wrote this instead.

Stories long forgotten, yet it seems like it was yesterday.

Strange

“There are a hundred things she has tried to chase away, the things she won’t remember and that she can’t even let herself think about because that’s when the birds scream and the worms crawl, and somewhere in her mind it’s always raining a slow and endless drizzle.
You will hear that she has left the country, that there was a gift she wanted you to have, but it is lost before it reaches you. Late one night the telephone will sing, and a voice that might be hers will say something that you cannot interpret before the connection crackles and is broken.
Several years later, from a taxi, you will see someone in a doorway who looks like her, but she will be gone by the time you persuade the driver to stop. You will never see her again.
Whenever it rains you will think of her.”

(“Strange” segment of Strange Little Girls by Neil Gaiman)

Time

“She is not waiting. Not quite. It is more that the years mean nothing to her anymore, that the dreams and the street cannot touch her.
She remains on the edges of time, implacable, unhurt, beyond, and one day you will open your eyes and see her; and after that, the dark.
It is not a reaping. Instead, she will pluck you, gently, like a feather, or a flower for her hair.”

(“Time” segment of Strange Little Girls by Neil Gaiman)

Rattlesnake

“She doesn’t know who owned the jacket originally. Nobody claimed it after a party, and she figured it looked good on her.
It says KISS, and she does not like to kiss. People, men and women, have told her that she is beautiful, and she has no idea what they mean. When she looks in the mirror she does not see beauty looking back at her. Only her face.
She does not read, watch TV, or make love. She listens to music. She goes places with her friends. She rides roller coasters but never screams when they plummet or twist and plunge upside down.
If you told her the jacket was yours she’d just shrug and give it back to you. It’s not like she cares, not one way or the other.”

(“Rattlesnake” segment of Strange Little Girls by Neil Gaiman)

New Age

“She seems so cool, so focused, so quiet, yet her eyes remain fixed upon the horizon.
You think you know all there is to know about her immediately upon meeting her, but everything you think you know is wrong. Passion flows through her like a river of blood.
She only looked away for a moment, and the mask slipped, and you fell. All your tomorrows start here.”

(“New Age” segment of Strange Little Girls by Neil Gaiman)

Starflower oil (borage.)

I kind of started up a tumblr and a new LJ, so I'm more frequently on there now. I want to still keep these blogs, so I'll update them every now and then. Even numbers only! Haha. So much has changed inside of me since last weekend when I went to Ireland. It's been a positive and life changing experience. Plus, I remembered the part of me that I'd lost. I'm currently going through weekly ep's of GG, The Hills, The City, Heroes and I may start on DH soon. I also am re-watching all of Buffy and am currently at the end of season one. I need to start figuring out which writing course I want to do and maybe apply through UCAS for next year. Doesn't matter if I decline uni's offers at the end if I want to go travel. But it's always good to keep an open mind. I've started reading again, writing too. It's all good (:

Current book: Angels in my Hair by Lorna Byrne.

everywhere you go is the same. same shops, same mundane jeremy kyle class of people going about their everday life ignorant to the world around them

richard and i texted each other all night, just actually talked about things for the most part. it was good.

lately though, i'm just so unhappy about being here it's seriously bringing me down. i need to get away but it doesn't seem likely.

If This Is The Life, Why Does It Feel So Good To Die Today?

I miss parts of my old self. Wells, it may be the hormones but I generally feel weird today. With some reluctance, I went to Connex's and thrust into the next step. I'm nowhere near ready but I had no choice. Apparently i'm entitled to £54 or something a week, so yeah. I just feel like being quiet today, having quiet with only incredible music on in the background. I wish I could go out in the middle of the night to a lake and go and wade at the edge. Or even a sea. I just long to be happy and away from here. I seriously don't want to feel miserable or trapped anymore. All I feel I have right at this moment is music. Music is everything to me. I know my boy's just a phone call away, but I'm showing him I'm good on the whole. This is just a temporary tiredness, most likely the hormones. Right?

I hope.

secret : I wanna have uncontrollably wild sex with you.

Love Paramore's New Album - Brand New Eyes!

Think of me when you're out, when you're out there
I'll beg you nice from my knees
When the world treats you way too fairly
It's a shame i'm a dream

All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you

I think I'll pace my apartment a few times
And fall asleep on the couch
And wake up early to black and white re-runs
That escaped from the mouth

Oh-Oh

All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you

I could follow you to the beginning
And just re-live the start
And maybe then we'll remember to slow down
To all of our favorite parts

All I wanted was you

All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you

Let's Make It Last Forever.

I wanted to get a new template but it's not working out for me. Meh.
I feel so tired, and after a full day of rain and cloudyness, the sun has finally appeared (:
Just wanted the boxes closer together in the middle, so i could place a background that I like. But anyways...

So i'm nervous, but something's gonna happen. I just have to be honest about the overwhelming feeling though. And oh, I was looking for jobs in Australia (NSW to be exact) and I don't even know why. Guess I can only keep dreaming about that. I got everything else sorted, just about to look over the letter once more and then it's all done.

I am so glad I have my boyfriend back, it just makes me feel better about everything. I just wish he wasn't being worked so hard. He's tired and sore, but he's a hero. I mean really, saving the state from floods. I love him so much.

5:55

I'm so tired but here goes:
I have been pressured, yelled at and all sorts this past week. Finally everything's come together and you're stepping back and treating this as a normal situation. THANK YOU, for finally realising that. I have written a letter to my mother which I am still working on, but it should be done and sent as an attachment tomorrow when I'm not so tired. I hope she doesn't show my dad or even my aunts, ugh. Anyways, I feel other things are coming together though, such as I am no longer single anymore (:
I just think it's amazing how much strength love can give. It's giving me something to look forward to, to carry on for. I still miss Australia but I feel more alive with love. Things are busy as always, got some troubles with my parents. Hopefully it will all be okay.

NEED TO DO TOMORROW:
find out procedure for UCAS
Look up courses/email
oh yeah, and
eat
sleep
die x_x

G'day mate!

I don't know what I'm going to do with my life now. I had the most amazing time travelling around parts of Australia (mainly the East coast) and I've come back not sure what to do now. Is it the end for me? I have such a longing to live though, that I'm sure it can't be. It's just that I don't want to go back to uni and I haven't told my parents yet. I don't know what I want to do. But i'm so unhappy, and I know I need to get out of this place, away from these people and this way of life. It's not doing me any good and i'm too tired to keep fighting all the battles through it. I just want to be happy, feel like I'm free and then I'll be able to figure it all out with a clear head. I hope for love too, because i'm tired of looking and hurting because of it. I want to tell all about my three weeks on the other side of the world, and I will in another post soon, before I forget.

In the meantime, i've seen tons of movies. Wish I could find a good version of The Time Traveler's Wife and Sorority Row online. The ending episodes of True Blood were good, and new Gossip Girl is exciting. Never a dull moment for Chuck and Blair :D
I have a new true bonding with country music, Rihanna saved my life with her songs Please Don't Stop The Music, We Ride and Shut Up And Drive on the plane. I listened to a bit of Britney and Lily as well as my normal mp3 music. Didn't hear a lot of The Veronicas there sadly. Currently The Letter To Japan by The Bird and The Bee is one of the reoccuring songs on my playlist. My room is still a mess, need to sort things out and find a plan on how to tell my parents. It's scary, as is my love life... but none of that for now.

Had An Amazing Time Down Under.

The Land Of The Oz

Three weeks on the other side of the world. It sounds cool, i'll get to see things I've wanted to see and experience since I was a kid and all. I hope my parents don't argue so much and it all turns out fine. What i'm not so okay with is what comes after I get back. It's scary, and it makes me feel like running away in the outback somewhere so I never have to return. It's okay though, i'm so happy that I can belong with him and that he loves me that much. I'm glad he does. So I guess I should continue with the packing and such, and i'll be posting when I'm back.

Beat Again.

I was looking at pictures and video of Canada '06 the other day, I wish I was back there. It's so breathtakingly amazing and free.

:(

i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here. i need to get out of here.

NOW.

I want freedom and I want it now!

The warm and inviting Med. please.

Movies

Coraline

&

Yes Man.

cold feet.

It's just a bit too odd that I get your texts and you don't get mine... unless your inbox is full? Maybe you don't want me, I don't know. Maybe you can't be bothered to change, or you may have someone else or just want to play the game so you can laugh at me at the end. I don't know, and I wish I did. Honestly, I really just feel the need for some comfort in my life. All the time it's about being on edge, not trusting, being careful who knows what and when. I hate being so emotional and drained at this time of the month. I just want someone's safe arms and kind words right now. I miss Rich so much, and he's suddenly in my dreams, my thoughts and my heart again. Anyway, my lower back hurts and I wish someone would be here to just hold me, massage me and give me some general attention and care. Meh.

Always Love.

Beautiful beat get me out of this mess
Beautiful beat lift me up from distress.

i love nada surf.

I just hope my aunt and jayden and maybe my uncle don't arrive tonight. and i wish he would stop avoiding talking to me. he hasn't shown me things will be different, he hasn't reciprocated the gesture of the picture I gave him when he said he would. Plus he's not changed, i can tell. Hasn't really given me much time or thought, so basically I'm giving up on him now but not letting him know just yet. He's a no gooder and I hope he always remains sad, pathetic and alone for the rest of his life because he doesn't deserve any more.

like an owl in a cage.

I want to be free.

burned out stars they shine so bright.

Doesn't he realise that I'm just being cautious, and after everything he's done and been; can he really blame me for being this way? I just want to make sure I'm okay first, and that I am in the right place for a relationship. The big thing is whether he has changed or not. I'm not signing up for the constant fights, lies and drama. I just want a nice, normal and loving; maybe nurturing relationship. And god knows why he loves me. But maybe that's just it. Maybe this is a Chuck and Blair situation where the chase and the game is all it is. Maybe he just wants to sleep with me and be done with me. Or maybe, when he's got me he won't want me anymore. Only he knows. Do I really want to be with someone so addicted to videogames? Who I may not be able to trust around other women, even if it's in a fake world.. or even going back to his old flames. He's the one who dropped the L-bomb. I was fine being friends, and loving as friends. He must've known that i'd have my own things to deal with first, right? Now that I know he wants to be with me, if it doesn't happen for whatever reason, i'll feel like i've missed out on something great. Because it's true, his love does a million and one positive things to me. But see, that's the other negative thing. I never want to lose him from my life, he's a good stable person and I always would want him as a friend..

Anyway, not exactly looking forward to spending time in london this following week. There'll be the awkwardness with the work experience chats and the loveless marriage. Plus I may have to do things and go places that make me uncomfortable because of Dean's religion. And oh yeah, Jayden better not be too badass and time taking. I want a bit of fun but without the hassle. I hope we don't all go out for a meal in the evening, ever. Maybe lunch, but that's about it. Well, good luck to me. A whole week.

The aftermath of a lie.

It's bliss, but it's empty bliss. Looking for apartments and such, it really brings the fear back into your core's attention. But you know, what's meant to happen will happen. Looks like we're going to Australia now except finance and accomodation are left to sort out before we head over to the other side of the world. I'm thinking this week, before I go off to London with my mother; I really should try and get my own help or go forth and do something, write a letter at least.

Things between the ex and I are quite on track, though you never know him and his back up plans. I really think we're making progress, talking it out and thinking. I'm melting with him, but obviously our ultimate decisions are yet to be .. well, decided. I need to start going back to my fitness regime since I think I keep gaining weight, ugh.

Apart from all that, it's all fineee.

It's looming above, like a dark rope waiting for the execution.

I got to talk to him, you can tell he still cares but I really think he wanted to do that from afar. But you know, I feel calmer in myself because he is back around so surely he can see he's helping in that way. I just wish I didn't feel a bit awkward when we talk, his reluctance all this time doesn't really help. I'm honestly wondering how he and Michelle faired, how they became good friends and such if he's like this. I'm guessing that maybe he's intimidated by the fact that i'm so young and hot, and also have intelligence, power and money in my favour already. Plus the fact i'm cultured and all the other things I take interest in.
To him, it's possible he thinks we're from two completely different worlds but little does he know the truth about that. With Michelle though, same country, same grounding, age and days of work. Interests is something we can find if we talk. Grr, I just wish us closer somehow.

Anyway, since the end of the week is seriously coming now, I'm scared and I'm wondering exactly when to blurt it out to my mother. I'm not sure I can do it. What if I leave it until the last minute, or worse, lie about it? I have no clue how to do this, or about what's going to happen after I do, or if I cover the truth. It's the hardest thing in all of my life pretty much. Kind of wish I had some real support. My mother and possibly father aren't going to be enough. Especially when we disagree on how to handle this. I'm scared about how they'll see me, what they'll think or do; how they may treat me. I'm scared of tests and talks and diagnoses. I'm not even sure I can openly talk, or whether I really want to know what's wrong. What if they misdiagnose? What if drugs are involved? And as for my future, another shot at uni? Moving away? Maybe I'll be their shame.
Then there's what the extended family will think, how they'll laugh at me, or whatever they may do. Maybe i'll be sent to an institution where they'll pull it all out of me unknowingly. I'm just so freaking out about it.

But yes, I saw him come online on his phone then back to invisible again. Wonder what that was about and why he's still invisible on his own yahoo messenger. I thought if you signed in on another device it signed you out of the one you're already signed into? Hmm.

Time to go.

Wake Up, Little Sparrow.

It's days like these that have a bittersweet taste to your view of the world.
It's the end of normality, nothing left to fight for there. Everyone was just a gameplayer and I guess the game ended out of ... well lets say, there were other enticing games. I wonder if he truly has been getting real help or whether he's bluffing. Not sure as to his reasons why he doesn't want me in his life. But that's okay now, I know what I've got to do. And I will make a promise that if things go sour, I will indeed humiliate him. I sound like Blair Waldorf here, but that's basically the gaming life she led too.

Anyway, about my day. I got persuaded to go out with my mother for a while. She thinks I should smile, be happy and that I will draw more of that towards me. If only she knew what a mother should never know. And that's the thing, how am I going to tell her? And explain the word "terminate." It's harsh, cold and tough. I guess I don't have guts anymore. I love her dearly, but she's even noticed that I'm happier and stuff when we were away... so why can't she help me? Why can't I be more receptive? The ironic thing she said though, she was saying how maybe we should move away, she was joking of course.. But hey, little does she know what is best. She never did my whole life, or even before she took those vows to marry into such a guilty pleasure.

We just went a few places she wanted to go. Nothing big, bought some stuff she wanted to buy, and well, it was sunny and warm-ish so at least I got to go out for a little while. The one thing that's left to do, is the one thing I'm afraid to do. And I don't even have a reason as to why I'm afraid. I know I don't believe in my future, so, well I need to force myself. Force. That's the word.

prêt-à-porter.

I wanna leave but the world won't let me go.

Yesterday was the Michael Jackson memorial which I saw in bits. My mother and I were enjoying a game of cards and the laughter that went with it. It was definitely nice to have that time with my mother. I just knew after I left her room that it's all lovely to have those moments but I do need a real solid plan, a next step as it were. I'm so uneasy about the next few days, it's weirding me out. Today I talked to Andy, it's now all on him where our relationship goes, and that's a hard thing to know. The fate of us lies in his hands. I mean, I really just want a good, stable relationship; a friend if nothing else. Everything's scary so we'll see how things go. This is not how I imagined my summer though, things should be more brought forward.

Wells, until the next write.

Every Day Should Be A Holiday.

Being in Italy was amazing. Venice, Lake Garda/Sirmione, Verona and Lido Di Jesolo.

Day one:
We arrived at about lunch and hung about in the room for an hour. It had a lovely balcony overlooking the sea and part of the beach with one of the many piers. It was tiring having to wake up at 3am just to get to the airport for our 6am flight. It was only 2 hours and there was a small TV with set programmes. I just listened to my mp3 player and stared out the window. It was amazing seeing the Alps passing by, wishing I had brought my phone to take pictures.
So we ended up going out and exploring the place (town wise.) Lido Di Jesolo is primarily a touristy/holiday making place, because the beaches there are man-made. So basically there were loads of shops going every which way and Piazza's in between. We had a good walk to and past Piazza Aurora, but as it was Siesta time hardly any shops were open. Of course there is humidity in Italy, so we then decided to head to the beach. We soon discovered that each hotel/villa had it's own clearly marked out beach space with signs on each side. And there were huts selling snacks and drinks along the whole beach, got some chips for our quick lunch. Found out that a sunbed costs you money and that the chairs are free, so we got three of them and sat down in the sun for a bit. It was nice and calming, an air of serenity was in the air; just being on the beach, sand in my shoes and the sound of people having fun in the sea. Street sellers were walking up and down the beach trying to make sales off knock off things (fake.) Apparently the law is reversed there, the people who buy dodgy stuff are the ones that can get prosecuted; and not the sellers. They probably have too much of a problem with that.
Time went by so fast as 6pm fast approached. Decided to then head up and take showers and get ready for dinner as we were on half board. They had lovely risotto dishes and pasta. Had a few veggies too, haha. Gorgeous cake for dessert and melon too! Walked it all off and trawled down the long road of shops the opposite way of Piazza Aurora this time. After a way all the shops kind of got the same, so we turned back and headed for bed as we were all tired.

Day two:
Awoke earlyish and got ready for breakfast which was between 7:15am-10am. I had a croissant filled with some jellyish substance and a banana yoghurt and melon. We didn't do so much and just hung out in the room until it was time to go down for the rep's meeting. Her name was Nicola and she had huuuuge breasts that because I was so sleepy, I couldn't help but notice them some. We decided we were going to do the organised trips to Venice and Lake Garda/Sirmione and Verona. The Dolomites was a democratic vote and won 2 against 1 for us not to go. Can do that some other time I guess. But we just went for a walk along the beach up until the lighthouse. Then came back and relaxed some, played some cards. I was starting to really get into the book called The Shack by WM Paul Young. God is apparently a woman named "Papa." Haha, but it's an interesting and flowing read. Caught some sun rays and tunes. There weren't waves though, it's just the start of the holiday season so there also weren't too many kids. Italian's, especially the older generation do hang out there in the summer too.
We just had snacks for lunch and never bothered with doing much. The pool wasn't that amazing so we didn't want to bother with that. Another half day spent on the beach went by kinda fast. There were kite sellers showing off some handfuls of kites along the front of the beach, and makeshift motor stalls/food and drink huts. It was a nice thing to see, though these people mustn't be doing great. Had an amazing cappuccino by the beach before heading in for the evening. The evening entailed pretty much the same thing, except me resisting to sit down for a long drink as I was too tired.

Day three:
I think, and everyone else ended up thinking that we should have gone and done the Dolomite's and Cortina trip. This day dragged a little, and we ended up getting chips and an ice lolly for lunch. Walked around the shops again, just before siesta time. Btw, breakfast was pretty much consistent, with me sometimes having a pancake with Nutella. Got a crepe with nutella once too. And obviously some ice cream. Just lazed around on the beach otherwise and the general normal thing. We had done a lot of walking and continued to do so, so it was kind of nice and healthy for us. Especially with all the rich food we were consuming. We headed out early after dinner and got back around 11 after eating a chocolate bar on a sunbed on the beach, to go straight to bed as tomorrow was the Venice trip leaving at 8:30am from Piazza Aurora.

Day four:
Woke up at 7ish and got ready, just about had time to rush some breakfast and head to the Piazza to get on the coach. There was this half Glaswegian, half Italian man as the tour guide and it was kind of amusing. We had a small coach ride to the harbour and then an hour's boat ride to Venice. This girl and her mother sat behind us on the boat, and she was from Blackburn and studying in Leeds and her mum was saying how Manchester's shit and how it's all deprived and she would want her daughter to move far away when she graduates. I was like, yeah, listen to that haha. So the tour guide had to give us the history on the boat because apparently you need a permit and stuff to do it in the actual city of Venice because otherwise they'd be taking the tour guide's job that are already there. We basically walked with him to the main Piazza, which was miles away from where we got off the boat. We were parading in a group through the narrow alleyways and over bridges (with many steps.) Finally, seven staircases and some designer shops later we were in the main Piazza. It was nice seeing a city on the water, quite an original and awing thing. Had some ice cream as we had 20 minutes on our own. We got to see the square and just walk around a little, not much else because of the time limit. They were setting up a stage and stuff for a concert or something in the main Piazza. Then moving on to the glass making factory where they use Murano glass and make swans and nice jewelry. Obviously it was an opportunity for them to be able to sell things, but yeah whatevs. The glass making was sooo unbelievably hot, and in that heat it really irritated me. After all that, we had 3 hours to ourselves and we did the church. We actually headed up there at like 2pm, so the bells were ringing. Ouch. But the views were amazing and it was nice and cool up there. Venice totally looks like a concrete jungle from above. Only if you're down in there you realise that it's a place on water. So after the church we went onto doing the Basilica. There were long queues and it took us absolute ages to get there. M couldn't get in because she had a bag on her and the oh so terrible risk of her hiding in a camera to secretly film or something haha, so us 2 went. It was just another church, obviously not as spectacular as Rome. But nonetheless.
Ended up walking around the main Piazza and looking all around the streets, one where they had a spiral staircase church that was the inspiration of the leaning tower. Apart from that, we grabbed a slice of gorgeous pizza from a shop and sat down for a quick munch. Carrying on we then headed to go on the gondola's. Since there was a group, we all split up into 6's and that's how we were able to afford it. Going on the gondola through the streets of Venice, next to Rialtto Bridge and into the Grand Canal was such an amazing experience. All the while, sipping champagne and thinking about how people back then used to use the transportation. It was just a nice, tranquil journey that I will never forget. The gondolier pushing his leg against a hotel wall to steer us in the right direction haha.
We got back to the hotel just before dinner, did our usual at night but called it an earlyish one since we'd been up and about all day.

Day five:
Got up a little later this day, about 9ish and quickly headed for breakfast. The maid was still cleaning our room when we got back so we had to wait for a bit and we bumped into Nicola in the lobby which was kind of awkward, apparently because we don't ask the usual questions such as where the bars are and how cheap the drinks can get. Haha. We beached some and then it was too hot and there wasn't any breeze so we decided to head into the hotel room for a couple of hours. Since P decided to sleep, us 2 went out in search of food and for a walk so as not to get bored. Ended up sharing a pizza and getting a fanta. Just walked some and then headed back to the hotel room and went on the beach again. Had another cappuccino before coming back in and then the usual dinnertime and walk occurred. This time though, ended up buying a nice brown leather jacket for myself. It's been hard finding one over here that looks good on me and that I like, so a real Italian leather and perfect fit one was amazing. Bargained it down to £500 and that was that. Over in Piazza Aurora there was something going on at the stage there, some manly choir singing or something and we had a quick look at that.

Day six:
Had to wake up even earlier today to head to Verona and Lake Garda/Sirmione. It was horrible waking to 6:45am and a 10 minute shower because M took too long with hers. Skipped breakfast, and it was way too early to eat anyway. At piazza Aurora there were two coaches and we were being split into two groups according to which hotel we were from. The half Glaswegian, half Italian guy was in the other coach and we were with a British tour guide called Chris (he was hot, all I want from a man-cultured and nice haha.) We had a two hour drive before a pit stop and I got some crisps and water for my breakfast. Got to Verona an hour later and we came upon these two large walls which were basically the old city walls and they were so tall and wide it was pretty cool. A giant wall not to protect, but to show off really. Apparently that's what all the Venetians seemed to do-try and look better than the other families, more flash and stuff. We had 3 hours in Verona and boy did they go just like that. Firstly we were directed to Juliet's balcony. The story of Romeo and Juliet is obviously Shakespeare's work of fiction, however the Montague and Capulet families were real and they were feuding. No one knows if Romeo and Juliet actually existed but the balcony was obviously made for tourists. They were filming a movie called Letters To Juliet which should be out sometime next year and so they had covered up the famous wall where everyone writes love notes to people on. Shame I didn't get to see it, but I can't wait for the movie to come out and say I was there whilst they were filming! Haha. I looked it up and apparently it's Amanda Seyfried's new one. So yay! Whilst there, there was this little info centre we ended up going to and sending free email postcards from Verona (turns out hotmail doesn't even like them, so blah.) Afterwards, we just walked around, saw a church, looked at a few sights. Unlike Venice, Verona is still very much a lively city that doesn't rely on tourism so much so it was like a natural city. Pont Neuf bridge was exhausting to get to and once on the other side we just saw little bits. There was a broken up amphitheatre called Theatro Romano which we just looked at from the outside as there was a hefty charge to go inside and it clearly wasn't worth it. On the way back, crossing the road M forgot that the roads are different in Italy and came out when a biker suddenly screeched to a halt just before her. That was scary because she definitely could have gotten killed. :/
Anyways, Juliet's tomb was being renovated/covered for filming purposes.. that was one of things I was looking forward to seeing! Pfft. Another hot day, so we decided that time was running short and to head back and see the main amphitheatre, the one where famous people from the Opera perform and stuff. It was amazing, last time I did something like that was many years ago. There were huge roses and a lovely garden set on stage, it was intriguing as to what performance was going to go down there. Walked to the middle balcony of the amphitheatre first and P took pictures, then headed right to the top. They have giant steps, I really don't know how the Romans did it, it was scary for me walking up and getting back down. The view was cool and as we sat on the burning hot step at the top I imagined what it would have been like to have been in a Roman crowd watching a good chariot race or gladiator fight. Before too long we headed to a self-service restaurant, had a quick pizza and Pepsi Twist and then headed back to the walls of the city to get back on the coach.
Chris had talked the whole way through the journey in the morning, and he continued to do so on the 45 minute journey to Sirmione in Lake Garda. But it was definitely inspiring hearing about how the Venetians used to live and things. It was still hot and humid when we reached Lake Garda, and we firstly had 20 minutes in which the three of us just had a little rest in the shade. Wasn't much point exploring when a boat ride awaited us. It was cooling and nice to see a turquoise blue lake, the Adriatic Sea is hardly blue after all, and Venice is obviously dirty water, sewage systems and all. But yeah, it was hazy so it wasn't too amazing, but we could see the old castle, the hot springs bubbling up from the lake and hotels that thrived off of it for spas. We actually went into the entrance of the castle as it was watered up and then headed back for land.
On our departure from the lake, we explored the town, the castle. Got some famous million flavoured Sirmione ice cream which was chilling to the core and extravagant to say the least. It was nice, chocolate and caramel for first rounds and after M got a replica but cheaper version of the Bvlgari necklace and earrings to match her ring, we got another round of ice cream. This time I got double strawberry, which had the real texture and flavour of real strawberries and M had a slightly nice lemon and watermelon combo. P decided to have a slice of pizza haha. We saw the lake a little more and then walked some before time was heading to the end.
Journeying back was quiet, and we had some fun with a raffle and the prize was a bottle of alcohol. Didn't win it though, but pretty much everyone fell asleep on the way back whilst I listened to my mp3 player and wondered a million things by looking around outside.
An eventful day, so little happened other than the usual in the evening. Got to walk on the pier and see the tons of crabs there though. Was a nice sight when the sky merged with the sea and the light was fading.

Day seven:
A kind of relaxing day. We had breakfast and then headed out walking the other side of the beach. It was a very long walk, when we finally reached the white hut where the sand sculptures of Dante's Inferno were on display. They were incredulous forms of art and it was worth the £2. All the forms of sin including "The Suicides" on their journey to hell. I must read the canto's of Dante's Inferno at some point. We had to walk all the way back the way we came, but they chose to take the route via the shops. Tasted some yoghurt ice cream which wasn't a great experience, M ended up asking for some Nutella on top. We passed a glasses shop and M was being a biatch about things there, so that kind of spoiled the mood of the day. But afterwards, we came across the fountains we hadn't seen and they had little shoots of cold air/droplets of water that you could stand in to get cool and we had a go at that. It was a nice atmosphere and stuff there, so after some beaching for the rest of the day. M wanted to try the pool but she ended up just going in the sea, we had some snacks and then headed in to have our final dinner there. Packed most of our things and then had a candle lit dinner. We had been invited to go to this cocktail party (like a hotel hosted in the old days) but we didn't fancy going before dinner.
Saw some shops at night, then walked to a far Piazza and saw a band from Sweden performing in the square on a stage. After some more shopping, we ended the night by sitting across the stage and sipping a Diet Coke in the open air. It was lovely taking in the atmosphere, the warm air and people bustling around. Not a scene you'd experience in England ever, because it's never that warm or clear! Anyways, it took me ages and filled me right up to finish that Diet Coke so I never ended up eating my final crepe. Haha. But yeah, at this Pub place called The Black Cat, the Thomson crew were having a quiz night and we saw Nicola hosting it. We didn't bother to join in, just walked back, packed up and went to bed.

Final morning:
Had to be checked out by 7:30 am. P had settled the bill the previous night, so we just had to hand in the key. It was sad to leave, as we got on the coach and took an hour's journey back to the airport. I just stared out the window all the way, the uneasy and sad feelings surfacing. M could tell that I was feeling down about it, so she tried to distract me. Got there, checked in and all that. Had some time, so I got a croissant and a cappucino as I was starving. All the magazines were in Italian so boo. Flight back wasn't bad, just watched a bit of the TV, listened to my mp3 player, felt sad and also said goodbye to the Dolomites, Alps and Italy.

Once A Rebel, Always A Rebel. Don't you forget that.

3ish days until Italy and I'm not feeling the usual getaway hype. I liked when my days consisted of Gilmore Girls, Neighbours, Gossip Girl, cappucinos and I'm A Celebrity... USA, '09. Oh, and the old favourite episodes of Friends; just a week ago. But now there's no hope for that. The movies Seven Pounds and 88 Minutes were good to watch. Escapism is all that's left in life. Shame he doesn't see that for himself. I'm still persisting though.

Becoming addicted to Gossip Girl. Is that a good thing or a bad one? I'm not sure. But I did get to have my cappucino and help my dad with sorting out invoices today. At first I was like 'what the hellz am I doing here?!' But it became clear and I no longer felt like a spazz. Haha. So that was my little contribution today. It kills having them around really. Haven't even started packing. My concentration and focus are elsewhere I guess.

I'm hoping this is my last painful entry before I leave on Friday. So Ciao, I guess. Otherwise I'll have to make 2 more entries for June, because I won't be back until July.

Help! I'm Alive.

Metric are my new favourite band
&
I'm hiding out for the forseeable future. I don't have the enthusiasm to write anymore.

A Violent Yet Flammable World.

The perfect suicide would take me to the clouds straight away.

Straight Jacket Strategy.

I swear I've been on a ride like that before. Can't remember where though, possibly Disney?

Eh, things suck again and I don't seem to want to write much again. I thought summer was supposed to help but I guess it's only being a pain in the you know what. It's been a sunny, warm day. I was out in the garden earlier, taking lovely pictures and feeling the warmth of the sun. It was nice until Jeanette (neighbour) caught me taking pictures and obviously thought I was weird or something haha. Well nothing much is new, I don't know what I'm doing. I didn't realise that I'm off to Italy in a week and 3 days. It's like a 6am flight so got to get up at 4am again. Sucks much really. Probably won't get any sleep, we're normally all stressed out and packing and sorting things out last minute lolz.

Ugh. I've gained some weight. Supposed to be LOSING weight! Grr. I think the doughballs last night did it. I was extremely full after those. I need to eat some mango later and I don't know what my mum's going to bother making for dinner. Apparently I have to cook for all of us once a week, haha. We'll see about that. Hopefully she'll forget about that one. I just can't be bothered really. I want to go on the Wii Fit at some point, do some jogging and stuff to lose the weight again.

Hmm, music music music. I sent him another big email last night which he hasn't replied to so you know... it's all over with that one :(
Things have got to calm.....

....... Right?

Better When We're Together.

Things have seemed to have calmed down some. Just because they're still unaware of the situation means that they're slightly nagging me, but that's what I get for not blurting it out. I said earlier that I like taking chances in life, so maybe this is one i'm going to have to take? My dad's being a bit of a jerk around me now though. I was happy that I randomly poured my heart out in an email and he eventually replied. AND he even keeps putting "x's" at the end (: I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that this communication and subtle care will lead to a good path, where we'll be friends at least. Even Brandy hopes that the both of us at least talk and be friends. Ahh.

So I'm going to Italy in another couple of weeks or so. Again, I know. But this time it's Lido De Gisolo, Lake Garda and Venice. It's only for a week because my idiot father had to change his holidays. Grr. My mum and I are thinking about going on a cruise to the Caribbean in January, but I have to pay the whole sum for my ticket apparently :/ So, we'll see..

It has been a nice, sunny day. Speidi have been banned from going back to the Cost Rican jungle, haha. And the latter part of Frangelina is out! Woo. Um yeah, chicken kiev's and ice cream. Bruschetta later. Mmm. (:

Hopefully it's all up from here!

A dislike for a song by Lights that is stuck in your mind.

It was pretty bright, up on the rainbow bridge tonight
I could see into your window although you’re far away
You were racing in a car
Beside a boy, you just don’t know
If he is up for what you have in mind
If he is up for what you have in mind

Change is on the cards, but this time it will be hard
But I never want to leave you
We’ve never had a fight
You should never split a pole
You should never split at all
I wish I had two paths I could follow
I’d write the ending without any sorrow

I will say a prayer, just while you are sitting there
I will wrap my arms around you
I know it will be fine
We've got a fantasy affair
We didn’t get wet. We didn’t dare.
Our aspirations are wrapped up in books
Our inclinations are hidden in looks

Summer’s hastening on
I’m trying to get a feeling from
The city, but I’ve been unfaithful
I’ve been traveling abroad

We’ve got a fantasy affair
We didn’t get wet, we didn’t dare
But the fantasy remains
You better come back to earth again

Our aspirations are wrapped up in books
Our inclinations are hidden in looks

Fragile As We Lie.

So, meh. I'm back home. Housework, sleepless nights until like 5 am and boredness. Oh yeah, the fact that I can't live my life the way I want, the constant nagging and telling, pushing and probing. Then there's the fact I can't stand to be around my mother. I think she's evil now, she's turned into somewhat of a monster. My dad played his bad parent part in my early years, but I can see that she's been the downfall lately. It sucks much, and I may have to go back to Nottingham for as long as I can stay and then ask my dad to help finance another means of accomodation. :/

He knows the drink affects his speed he's praying for
a doorway
back into the life he wants and the confession of the bench
Life outside the diamond is a wrench.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Leaving tomorrow :(
Chucked out freezer stuff, cleared up some stuff.
Still need to load up some bin bags, hoover and clean. Then catch the 4:45 train. I'm nervous and I should be, please let it be alright going back home..

In other news...

• The ex pretended to be a girl on a ps3 game, taking our friends' dead friends pics and saying he was her. Sick psycho.
• Watched Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Most original movie i've seen in a while, even got some humour added.
• Forgetting Sarah Marshall is another cool movie, friends are cool and embarassing moments are uncool.

Haha. For now, that is all.

Look Who's Stalking/Rat Saw God.

Been watching lots of VM, nearly finished with the whole lot. Hopefully I will be soon. Anyway, I just couldn't resist putting it in his face that he's missing out. I told him in a myspace message that I just wanted him to know that he is, that I would have been there in a week's time. Ah wells haha. Maybe he was doing all of that as means of an elaborate plan to get rid of me? Hey, well he can go back to being a loner with his 10 hours a day of videogames and obesity. I am much better off without him. But you know it's weird, she's seen i've out-grown him now. I wonder if she thinks i've done her a favour at all? Now she's with Richy and all. Who knows. Maybe I should ask?

I woke up and couldn't believe it's Thursday already. There aren't many more days left here. It's tres sad :( I mean it. Someone's twitter update said "being around my mom makes me wish I was back at school." I know that my days will be like that, sort of. I was on the phone with her just now and she's like "want to fight?" Lol. Meh, it sucks much. I think it would be good to get a studio apartment if I ever live on my own again. No more kitchen fiasco's, all the freezer space and everything else. It would be good.

I have a bruise on my ankle and I'm hungry. I should go make dinner.
IF the kitchen is free yet!

Aim for where horizon and blue sky meets.

So let’s be killers babe;
Make the great escape.
From all the bitter words
Of every crowded street and empty heart.

Tom McCrae is an amazing artist!

It must have been a dream I had, so long ago. Well something bigger must have touched me then, to fill my mind with hope.

I have a real longing for the beach, no one knows just how much. It's a deep set thing, it's a place where I belong, a place I can just breathe and be. Ace Enders & A Million Different People is currently playing, and I think they just remind me of perfect beach music. A true breathe factor, if you can call it that haha. Things would be completely sorted if I was away from here, if I was out there with all of the things I love. The smell of SPF is actually putting the senses forth, bringing the longing right to the home of my heart.

Ex's can be friends. Now I have a sexy ex that shares my feelings, and another guy. The other guy is trying to win me back, but we'll see. It seems alright so far, but he really has to shine for me. I want the life away. I want this, and I will get it somehow. I want to be out there, so very badly.

:EDIT:



Just had my first ever poptart. I have to say, they don't live up to all they've been said to be. I bought a box of them from Tesco's, Kellogg's ones "Strawberry Sensation." They're like a biscuity kind of a Nutri-Grain bar, but with much more fatness involved. I can now say I've experienced a Pop-tart though. Think they could be good for a breakfast meal, though they do make you thirsty.

Her Morning Elegance.

The World's A Better Place When It's Upside Down.

Life is a mystery. Life is mysterious and there are lots of mysterious ways.
Yeah, i've managed to totally overuse the word "mystery" and it's forms. But it's really mindblowing that he suddenly said "I don't want to be your 'ex' anymore." It's totally out of the blue, and I'm going to remind him that I was not forcing him to tell me what I want to hear, that he's the one that has to work on things and i'll help him but he has to be honest and open. I'll even say that I just wanted to know what was holding him back from making a decision, and that I didn't even ask for an answer, so that way he can have more time to think about it if he wants. I just want him to want this as much as I do, so he'll properly work on it and talk, let me help and all.

The thing is, I haven't received any texts, he hasn't confirmed he is going to talk to me. It could just be another one of his sick, sad games. Maybe Bethany or Michelle put him up to it. He may have some Southern "chick" or be seeing Amanda for all I know. The only way to find out is if he talks later. Is that a big IF? hmmm. I hope not.

It's been another sunny and warm day. Freya's back, and she's saying it's not her week to clean (that she did it two weeks ago, meaning the week after I did.) Lucy didn't clean on her week, I suspect. But you know, it's kind of getting silly/ridiculous now. Someone should take responsibility, and no, it's not going to be me because I cleaned up the week I was supposed to, left/went away for a week, and came back to that mess! It's disgusting and someone needs to get a guy in here to help with the overflowing trash and all. It's starting to smell and attract flies too! Ugh. The atmosphere is kinda tense, annoyed. So you know..

Anyways, I've missed my mum's phone call twice today. Maybe I should ring her back, I don't know. I've still got dishes to clean up and stuff, but going into the kitchen isn't appealing at all. Can't believe i've only got a week left here, I don't know what to doooo!! One day, I will learn how to surf. I'll take those damn waves as good as they get. You know it's what I was meant to live for, that is what my life's supposed to be about. Not being stuck here. I want to be out there, on a beach. By the ocean, having fun.

Ahh..

Birds chirping, crows cawing.

So it's his birthday today. 36, it just doesn't sound right. It sounds weird. Like it can't be true. But gosh, it is. He wrote me this thing about how he wants to strip search me (after his love of the cop show SVU.) It made me smile, and it was a good way to wake up today. Nothing much else has happened, I haven't cleaned my room/the bathroom yet. Just watching some VM and stuff. Not sure what my big plan is, but then... you know....

asdjkehfks.

It's A Motion City.

I want to be by a pool like that, or a beach. I really just want to get away. This weather has got me wanting more sun and warmth. Get away from life, the normal stuff. Forget it all for a while. I hope we can get to go somewhere like the Maldives; even if only for a week.

Don't understand him at all. All I said was to be friends, so he can talk and let me help him with whatever's going on with him and his insecurities and such. But now he's saying some things and i'm not quite sure if he means he just wants to make sure he wants a romantic relationship with me, or whether he wants to be friends, let me help and then we take it from there. It's a little confusing and annoying, because although I don't want to be alone and all, I feel okay without him. He's just doing sad things like usual and letting life pass him by, and I don't want someone like that. I'll help and be a friend, but I wish he'd just make his mind up.

So I watched the movie The First Daughter. Toy Story's on now (cute reminder of childhood!) and i'm only watching it until the BGT final. There are movies on later too. Thinking of making tortilla wraps for dinner, and i've been listening to a hell of a lot of Motion City Soundtrack.

Beaches and seas, waves and the lovely lovely lovely swings.

Amazingz.

Lifehouse, lighthouse. Pretty b l u e.

Oh how I miss thee, Canada.

Summer is the best season.

Things are looking better. But like in the picture, there's something eerie maybe hanging on the air. I stayed home for another day, luckily. But I'm going back tonight and then things will be different. I'm going to really try, need to sort out accomodation and help and things. I have two weeks now and things could just turn around for me. Though I think I need to be brave and serious but pretend i'm having fun haha.

Just be careful, he may be leading you on and then end up crushing your hopes again.

You bleed before you die.

This is officially my only public blog from now on.
I'm POOF'd everywhere else.
Those sicko's can have their own insane psychoses and leave me to my own, private life. I want to be me again, I like this little break away from the norm. I don't want to leave, but then, I have no choice from tomorrow. I wonder what the new life will be like....

Guess there's one road now,
one path left.

Don't screw this one up.

Nevermind The Buttocks.

(:

Bliss.

Aftermaths and Sorrowness. "But I'm free!" she exclaimed.

He's wishing he has me now. He keeps pulling me back into his life, then letting me go again. I was being nice, he was being okay. Then he has to screw it up again. I said I'd continue being in his life as a friend, and as a friend he should know what lines not to cross. So anyways, he gets home from work and he asks if there's anything he can do to help me sleep. He obviously isn't going to talk to me about his little crisis, and so I tell him he can go on cam for me seeing as he is a friend. But no, the response is "only when you're my gf." So I start to get pissed off, he cannot be selfless, but someone else and their needs/feelings before his for once. He then continues to be demeaning and asks what's the problem. I tell him there is no problem, so he says "oh, so there's no problem, that's why you're still not asleep." And then the verbal vomit came out from both sides. He kept calling me a c**t and a bi**h. So I said goodbye, he said his problems were solved and that there was no reason for me to be in his life anymore. I said i'd be glad to leave, that I don't want this kind of shit in my life.
So then, get this. He starts saying "Don't go, don't leave. I was going to tell you about my issues this weekend and ask you to help. I need you in my life.." and all this complete contradiction. I said no and goodbye forever. Better off without that idiot in my life, I am going to keep him out. The bars are there, always there. He's never truly getting back in. I'm over all of that. I'm good, and far better than him. It will all be good. His loss.

My Girl.

Just as I was falling out of love with him and thinking of breaking up with him after giving him many chances to improve with all of those failing. He comes home Saturday (really late, because he was avoiding and probably playing videogames or whatever) and just because I kept signing into his Yahoo, he broke up with me. Lol, I think it's hilarious. So I blurted everything mean I've ever wanted to say to him, and he finally admitted that he was the one with the problem and that he's going through some sort of a crisis. Yet, it's funny because he wants to have me back once he's sorted out his issues or whatever and he's already added Bethany back on his myspazz. Meaning, he was probably always talking to her, even though he'll further deny it even now. I guess he is still hung up on finding out about his ex all of the time. He says he doesn't know who he is anymore, that he doesn't know what he wants. It's funny considering he's been the complete dickhead he normally is to me, even when trying to keep me on side. Plus, I think he was lying when he said that he wanted to get away and see his family at the weekend because he thought it would help him. I think that because he was probably just having a weekend free of me, that he was playing videogames and doing childish things with his friends, playing with his boy toys, seeing the new Star Nerd movie and all.

Well anyway, i'm holding up well. I've been telling him where to stick his apologies and everything. We've been through this too many times now, it's definitely time to move on for sure. He is some dead-ender, I am a lot better than that and I have a lot more to come in my life. It's been good, a kind of strong, kick-ass Buffy-esque time. (:

I just wish I could sleep properly. Maybe it's stress and worry over the 3 hour stats exam on Tuesday. Why?! I mean, why have a three hour exam in the evening. That's the worst time for the brain! Gosh. They call themselves scientists. xP

Eurovision = Tunnel vision. I'd rather watch Britain's Got Talent!

Well, ello.
Today, a sudden monsoon happened. And then the sun came out for a little while. I wish the weather would make its mind up and stay nice and warm, bearable. Maybe mix in a few light showers, so I can go walking in the rain too sometimes.

I cleaned the rest of the kitchen, I chucked some things in the wash and basically didn't do a lot else. Last night I was watching this movie called Saved! with Jena Malone in it. Thumbsup! Haha. It beats worrying my mind to death all night/early morning. I've been listening to a lot of music today, some bands and solo artists I left behind somewhere. It was nice catching up with them lol.

The Eurovision Song Contest came about again this evening. Norway won, but we were actually in the top 5 this year. No more nil points! I liked Lordi when they won. They weren't bad at all actually. I only watched a little bit of it for curiosity's sake. I was more engrossed in BGT and CSI:NY. Watched some VM earlier. Yeah, that's pretty much stuff.

So he said he'd be back by now. He isn't back (or he's hiding from me.) Well, at least I don't have to deal with him right now, yeah? Some of the things...
I don't know if this is going to work out anymore. Gah.

I'm tres tired, and I had a cappucino which probably wasn't a good idea at all. Caffeine makes me feel worse, and I already feel worse. Maybe it's going to be another fantastic(!) night. Ahhh. I'd rather be on one of those sun loungers in Cuba, under the stars so bright. A whole, wonderous sky of them. That would be amazing, sipping my lemon juice and smiling, listening to the air and the buzz back inside of the evening entertainment. I miss Cuba. I miss getting away, being away. I also miss banana flambes (pictured above.) Oh, that syrup full of rum. That sweet sweet taste, the wholesome ice cream to go with. Ahhh, scrumptious. Here, they are not unheard of, but they are rare. I didn't have a decent dessert today, maybe that's why I have a huge longing. lol

:EDIT:
I just found out that I can't have symbols on this blog. GREAT(!)

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

Lolz.

Oh yeah, maybe I'm falling out of love?

Only one text today. None "on the journey." Pfft. I had to clean the flat today. Still half undone because CERTAIN PEOPLE are still using the kitchen.

Ahh.
Crap life.
Crap love.

You're supposed to care, but you never make me scream. You never make me scream.

That picture reminds me of the car on the (frozen) lake in American Gods. I want to read that again some time soon. I really want to grab a car, if only I knew how to drive, and in the US at that. I'd drive all over, visit my friends from there, just enjoy that quirky towns, the scenery and culture. Plus, I'd get fat i'm sure. All the DQ's and Taco Bells on the road. I'd take many pictures, I'd be able to breathe and smile and lots of lovely things. I also want to visit mainland Greece too. I think I may be going to some place like the Maldives this summer (before they sink, apparently.) And Australia in September, hopefully.

Well, the boyfriend's off visiting his family in SC this weekend. He promised he'd text lots and that he'd message on myspace. Only one message and one text throughout the whole of the day. The text read, "My cousin's taking me to the beach, wish you could be here and come with me." All the while i'm actually feeling worse, and I don't know about the sleeping thing anymore. He's not very selfless, he knows something's up and yet he'd rather have fun than think about me and what I must be going through. Take, take, take.

Anywaysss, it is my cleaning week and I should really hoover and stuffs. Someone left a nice big stain on the hob AND in the microwave for me to clean. Ugh. I should get some frozen pizza, some ready food and a fizzy drink. The bread can wait till next week. Should really eat more frozen food, pasta and use up the tins. Plus try poptarts and eat more popcorn!

I don't know, I don't write much cool stuff again. I should try and attempt another story soon. It would be cool.

So I'm gonna stop now.
And do something else.
Maybe write a message to someone and then head to bed.

Kai.
Nite.