Prose

she wanted to be in one of those books, like in childhood where she read about dragons & princesses, and monsters. she took a long walk, but it was cold & she felt cold from the inside too. more or less all of the leaves had turned brown and crisp, & had fallen off the trees. she let her feet take her, though something was different about this walk than normal. everything felt and looked dead, she could not breathe and didn't feel like she had the space or room to either. normally fresh air did her good, but this time it made her choke up & want to cry. but nothing came out. she felt as dead on the inside as she had felt about everything on the outside.

the walk took her to a dark place, nothing like those childhood stories. a place of many trees and overgrowth. she had visited this place during her childhood, but it was a sad place as she had often come here when she felt like she needed to run away. she hadn't had the courage to walk inside that place for many years, up until now. she took a couple of steps and wondered what on earth she was doing back here, but nevertheless her feet carried her forward and she took small steps up through the overgrowth, on the pathway. she covered her nose and mouth as the flies started to circulate around. she didn't want to go down towards the stream, so she went back and walked on the pathway in the opposite direction. the path was turning into mud, so she sidestepped onto the grass for a while. she was above a lot of the trees and the undergrowth. the path was getting narrower and narrower, so she was carefully stepping as to not fall.

she wasn't really thinking or feeling anything & as soon as she saw more steps, she turned and went back to her house.

some hours later, in a conversation with her boyfriend, she started to feel detached and lost. she started to try & cry, but could scarcely manage a couple of tears. later on she felt so alone, although the normally annoying occurences of the day were not happening as usual. it was good to have a break from the stress & all, but she was scared of becoming alone once more. although she had always been alone in it all, she was quite terrified at the thought of being alone again, of losing hope and faith. she had just started to open up, had just begun to trust a little more, and now she was scared of losing it all & getting hurt, particularly at this point in her life.

she had started to cry. love is one thing in its purest form that can get you welled up. especially if it is true love. still, she had to control herself as she had no real space to cry. she sat and wrote this instead.